A homeschooling blogger I follow on Facebook linked to an article about deleting Minecraft. She didn't write the article herself, but found it interesting and asked what her readers thought.
I read the article half hoping the author would offer some convincing arguments that I could use to get rid of it. No such luck. Here are a few parts:
Then I began to notice screen time and giving up the screen made you cranky and angry. You responded less to Dad and me, ignored guests, and blew off friends playing outside. Preferred downtime was spent in the basement; alone in a Minecraft cave.
My boys became a bit obsessed with the game too, so I kept reading:
Sometimes my kids plead for more Minecraft time too. Screaming?! They know better than that! I read the entire article and the only thing I was convinced of was that the author's children need some serious discipline.So in an effort to find balance, we set up a schedule to earn and limit play time. It didn’t work. The timer chime was drowned out daily by your pleading, sometimes screaming voice...
So I left a comment...
"After reading this article I don't think the author has a *Minecraft problem*, she has a *parenting problem*. My kids are sad when their turn is done (everyone gets 30 minutes screen time here), but they get over it. They also get upset when I call them in from playing with their friends or tell them to clean up the Legos because it's bedtime. I don't give in to their protests about those things either."
Polite discussion ensued. Some moms don't allow Minecraft, some do and wish they didn't. A few agreed with me that Minecraft wasn't the actual problem in this case. That was it, we all moved on. This morning, almost two weeks later, the author of the actual article replied to my comment:
"I think it is important to celebrate children for who they are while simultaneously doing what we believe is best for them and our families. This is not a parenting issue. I have two respectful, kind, cooperative, happy, and sensitive boys who still earn limited screen time to play video games; just not Minecraft. For some reason, perhaps it is the way their brains are wired, that game elicited extreme reactions and thus in my house, it had to go away. Thank you for taking the time to read my essay. Wishing you continued success on your parenting journey."
Interesting. As they say in the Lego Movie - what a bunch of "hippy dippy baloney"! She missed my point entirely. I stand by my comment. She DOES have a parenting problem. I am not one to engage in internet drama. When people say they can't stand all the drama on Facebook, I wonder what they are talking about. I just look at the photos and updates my friends post and let the rest pass me by. I am careful when I comment on public pages and about what I "like" because that's not why I use Facebook.
So, even though it was outside my comfort zone, I felt like I had to reply. Not for the author (she seems hopeless), but for the young, homeschooling moms who might read our exchange.
Here is what I said:
"Children, boys especially, have a tendency to obsess about things. I think it's how they learn. My boys have been obsessed with birds, dinosaurs, drawing comics, knights/castles, bike riding, and baseball. They were all phases and most are now over. (Bummer. I really enjoyed the bird one.) I agree some obsessions require extra parental guidance and time limits. Minecraft was such and, thankfully, interest is already waning here. We'll move onto the next thing having learned a bit about computers and programming.
I absolutely agree each family should do what works for them when it comes to video games and the internet. The only thing I know about your family is what I read in this article. You wrote of anger, pleading, yelling, and screaming. At our house those behaviors are not okay, no matter what the cause. In our family, we choose to deal with them head on instead of getting rid of the offending catalyst. Mostly because I know there will be another catalyst. I hope no one reads this comment as a defense for Minecraft, I really have no love for it. Your post and this whole conversation could be about any number of things kids might obsess over."
I didn't say this, but should have asked… what is this mom going to do when the issue that is bringing out these behaviors in her children can't be easily deleted? What is she going to do when her kids plead and scream because they don't want to leave the playground? Or hand over their cell phone at bedtime? She didn't deal with the underlying problem, she just deleted Minecraft. Minecraft is not the problem. This has nothing to do with Minecraft at all!
I really hope she didn't tell her kids she deleted it because the game "made" them act up. What kind of message would that be? You aren't in control of yourself. The game made you act like that. You don't need to learn self-control and respect for your parents, mom will just delete the game.
This is a good example of why I don't look to magazines or the internet for parenting advice. First, this woman is an author. Writing is her career. She is trying to get people to read this article so she can make money. This is the goal of parenting magazines as well; not to tell you truth, but to get you to buy their product. Have you ever noticed that there are parenting articles that have opposing truths? How can they both things be true? They can't. One of them is wrong - or worse lying - and sugar coating things to make people feel better (and sell magazines!).
Second, her thinking is flawed. A child pleading and screaming at their parents about a computer game is not the problem. A child pleading and screaming at their parents about anything is a problem. It might have been better for them all to keep Minecraft and work through the fit throwing.
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Short side note: I went and read the original article again. Then I did something I hadn't done before. I went to her actual blog. No wonder I don't agree with her, she seems to be the opposite of me in every way. She lives in the northeast. She obviously doesn't run in my circles because she didn't even know what a "SAHM" was! (It means stay-at-home-mom.) She put career first and had children late. In fact, she only wanted one, but ended up with an "accidental" second (her words, I hate that phrase). Her kids go to a conventional school. And, most importantly, she is not a Christian. Of course, it is fine to read and discuss articles written by people who don't hold your same values, but is that who you want to look to for advice?
